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I keep a copy of the Dhammpada in translation by Byrom close and read a few paragraphs every now and then to relax and regenerate. And I keep coming back the these lines: "We are what we think..."
Maybe your father had the same tone of voice when he made his statement about your math grades as he had two weeks before when you had nicked money from his wallet. Back then he had the right to be disappointed but now his tone of voice was only because his mind was preoccupied with work. You don't know do you? You can't know what the true intent of the statement was. The only thing you do know is that you gave the statement meaning, a meaning that made you feel bad.
3. Are there alternative interpretations?
A self-limiting belief is your interpretation of statement,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], an opinion, of somebody that matters to you. So since it's an interpretation of one opinion there are probably alternative interpretations right? For each self-limiting belief identify as many alternative interpretations as you can - don't stop before you have at least three.
5. Kill the elephant
So if you gave the statement one meaning back when the self-limiting belief was formed than you can give it another meaning today right? Let's make that clear, the meaning of an event comes from your mind so if it's a product of your mind then the feeling the event gave you is not connected to the event itself but to the meaning YOU gave it. So if the event itself doesn't have meaning then it doesn't matter right?
2. What's the root of the self-limiting belief?
Most self-limiting beliefs come from our childhood up until the age of around 20 or so and are formed based on interactions with parents and friends. Year 2-6 are critical in forming personality and all the way through the teens children are like sponges sucking up everything going on around them trying to make sense of it. During these years we're the most sensitive as we try to figure out our role in the interaction in the family, in school, with friends and with strangers. Self-limiting beliefs often come from things our parents or closest social circle told us during the forming years therefore it's important to go back in memory to identify the moments when these things were said. Replay the situation in your head a few times, even better,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], write down the dialogue as you remember it.
Maybe you formed your self-limiting belief "I'm not good enough" when your father saw your grades in 5th class and his first comment was: "Why is your grade in math so low,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych]?"
Maybe the most attractive kid at the party really liked you but was too afraid to be turned down so went for your friend as it wouldn't really matter to be turned down.
We are what we think.
All that we are arises with our thoughts.
With our thoughts we make the world.
- Buddha translated by Byrom -
Identifying a self-limiting belief
The first step in getting rid of a self-limiting belief is obviously to become aware of it. Depending on your level of self-awareness that can be an exercise you can do on your own or something you'd better do together with a coach. The fact that you're still reading this article tells me you've at least started your inner journey and reached some level of self-awareness so maybe you're ready for the following exercise,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych]. If the following exercise doesn't makes sense to you - don't think: "I'm not good enough" but rather "I look forward to learn more on my inner journey".
A word of wisdom for the road
This method works. You may kill your elephant on the first try or you may need to repeat this exercise a few times when you catch yourself with a self-limiting belief. And it's not a new method, it actually a long-winded way of saying what Buddha expressed so elegantly in the opening paragraph of the Dhammapada some 500 years B.C.
The difference between Steve, Richard and Tony on one side and most people on the other side is that the former learned to deal with these thoughts in a way that it doesn't stop them from taking action. They make think "I'm not good enough" before entering the stage to speak in front of a room full of some of the brightest minds at Davos but they would still throw themselves at the opportunity.
By Fredrik Lyhagen
See all Articles by Fredrik LyhagenSee Fredrik Lyhagen's Expert PageGet Updates on Self-Esteem and Self ConfidenceGet Updates on Fredrik Lyhagen Average: 0 Your rating: None Tweet
The most common being "I'm not good enough." We all think that to ourselves every now and then, the most successful people you can imagine do it as well. I am sure Steve Jobs did it, I am sure Richard Branson does it in certain situations, even the most famous coach of them all Anthony Robbins has moments of self-doubt.
And since the event is meaningless you can kill that elephant - rid yourself of a self-limiting belief.
"I'm not good enough."
Self-limiting beliefs are deeply rooted beliefs that you repeat to yourself as an excuse to not take action. And in addition they disempower you, puts you in a negative mental state that sets you back and may even put you on a downward spiral.
On the journey towards greatness you must go fishing for elephants. The bigger the better. Knowing where to fish and which bait to use takes experience and when an elephant bites it can be a long fight to reel it in. And then, it's time to kill it.
In the example with the math grade above,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], is it possible that your father thought: "Wow, the average grade is fantastic,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], I'm so proud but what can I do to help with maths?",[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], or that he had a shitty day at work and just throwing a quick glance at your grades, while thinking about his crazy boss, the math is what stood out, or could there be a different interpretation of the statement?
Fishing for elephants can be a long-winded and painful experience but it's one of those things you must go through on your inner journey towards greatness. The elephants are the obvious self-limiting beliefs that no one wants to discuss,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych]. They're sometimes obvious to people around you but you are consciously or unconsciously unaware,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych]. It's a self-limiting belief that is such a big part of who you are that you don't clearly see it and never articulated it.
Maybe you where at a party with a friend in your teens and the most attractive kid there hardly looked at you but went straight for your friend so from then on you walk around with the self-limiting belief "I'm not attractive".
4,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych]. Which interpretation is true?
Now that you have a couple of different interpretations of the statements that triggered your self-limiting belief let's look at each of them and determine which one is true? Hang on here, can we determine which one is true? All you saw and heard back then was your father, or the attractive kid, act out a series of events and you do not know the intent. So to be honest here,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], you gave that series of events meaning. And that meaning was probably formed by your prior experiences.
The expression "fishing for elephants" came to me through my experience as a coach. In coaching we often talk about "spotting the elephant" based on the classic English idiom "the elephant in the room". And in the coaching relationship the coach and the coachee "go fishing" in the mental pond to identify the real reasons for certain behaviors. The small fish circling close to the surface always bait but that's the easy things to discuss, the topics to which you already have formulated thoughts and answers. But it's the elephants that you're after - catch an elephant,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], take the time it takes to reel it in and kill it and you can make leaps on your inner journey towards greatness.
1. Is it a self-limiting belief or a fact?
Firstly, is it a belief or a fact?
Let's say you've just turned fifty and think "I am too old to be skateboarding". That's a belief whereas thinking "I am older that most skateboarders" is a fact.
Thinking "I'm not good enough to be playing tennis" is a belief whereas thinking "I'm not as good in tennis as Roger Federer is" is a fact.
- "I could never do that"
- "I'm too young"
- "I'm too old"
- "I'm not smart enough"
- "I'm no good at this"
- "I'm never lucky"
- "I'm not attractive"
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Everywhere you go, you find articles which tells you how to improve your life, books telling you what you have not been doing for your life to be what you want it to be, and pamphlets to meetings to discuss those books, what you do not come across often is what not to do.

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Fear amongst Infants,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych]
(Vinod Anand)
Everyone knows how fear feels—stomach turning over, heart racing, mouth dry,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], skin perspiring,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], thoughts concentrated on how to get away from the situation in which one is. When infants show distress through crying and apparent attempts to withdraw,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], adults usually conclude that the children are afraid. When the baby is old enough to cling and to seek proximity to his mother, these behaviors, along with crying and withdrawing,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], are probably universal indications to adults that young children are afraid.
Fear behavior is neither rigid nor automatic. The physiological basis for fear reactions is inherited, but its expression is an interaction with the environment. Possible reactions are those that facilitate withdrawal from dangers the young are likely to encounter: strangers, heights,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], excessive stimulation. As the section o attachment behavior has shown, attachment and fear are articulated in ways that promote survival of the infant and that permit exploration and growth. When strange person, object,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], or situation causes distress and withdrawal, contact through clinging, touching,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], or even looking at a loved person restores the baby’s equilibrium in such a way that he can approach and explore. Loss of support, pain, loud noises, and other intense stimuli also cause distress reactions which look like fear and which can usually be alleviated by holding the baby close. Individual differences in temperament make for more intense reactions in some infants and less in others. Some can be comforted more easily than others.
A group of infants between 2 and 23 months were examined in a series of fear- provoking situations and other tests, and their mothers were interviewed. Fears of loud noises, masks, a Jack-in-the-box, and a mechanical dog were correlated and showed more intensity in younger and older infants than in those in the middle of the age range. The babies who indicated most fear in these situations of intense stimulation and strange objects tended to be the “cuddliest” babies, or to show highest need for physical contact. This result is consistent with the observation that clinging seems to allay fear. Fear of falling was tested on a visual cliff a platform of strong glass with a textured pattern under it. Half of the patterned surface is directly under the glass and the other half far below it, giving the visual illusion of a drop-off, halfway across the platform. The fear of crossing the visual cliff increased with age, from 6 months onward. Non-creepers showed different reactions to the two sides of the cliff when placed on its edge, but no fear reactions. Even when pulled across the cliff, they had no fear reactions. Creepers showed some fear, and walkers more fear. Below 10 months of age, the babies did more tactile than visual exploration but after that age, visual exploration increased and tactile decreased. By 5 or 6 months most of the infants could distinguish between the two sides of the cliff, but not between what would support them and what would not. It looked as though experience with space through locomotion was necessary for being able to tell by looking what would offer support for the body. Fear of the cliff was correlated with previous falls,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], cuddliness,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], and protest at separation from the mother.
Fear of strangers ordinarily occurs in the second half of the first year and rarely before then. The babies in the study described above showed no fear of strangers until 7 months, moderate fear between 7 and 12, and more fear after 12 months. A certain amount of maturity is necessary before unfamiliar images and expectations must be built up first, in order to have a basis for comparison.
s*x differences in fear of strangers were found in another study. The age of onset of fear of strangers was taken as the first month in which the baby showed a clear-cut avoidance response to an unfamiliar adult. For girls,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], the mean age for this measure was 6.7 months and for boys, 9.1 months. Fear of strangers is also related to the number of social contacts an infant has, both within and outside his family. First-born children showed fear of strangers at younger ages than did later-horns.
Fear of strangers becomes meaningful when viewed in the sequence of attachment behavior described on page 216. Positive attachments to the mother and other important human beings are built up, and then discrimination against others is developed. In the previously mentioned study of attachment in infancy, 77 percent of babies were found to show their first fear of strangers about one month after they showed the beginnings of specific attachments. At 8 to ½ months, the amount of looking at a stranger has been found negatively related to the infant’s rear of strangers. Ainsworth, from her observations of infants in Uganda, describes a developmental sequence in response to strangers during the first year of life: (1) No observable discrimination between strange and familiar people. (2) Different responses to mother and strangers, but accepts strangers. (3) The baby stares at strangers but does not show fear reactions. (4) The baby does not approach strangers but allows them to hold him, showing some uneasiness. (5) Fear reactions, ranging from slight apprehension to panic.
Fear of strangers decreases during the second and third years of life, as shown by increasing willingness to accept comfort from a stranger. Fear of being left alone and fear of the dark probably have a large hereditary, maturational basis. It could be very dangerous for a young, wild primate to be left alone,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], especially in the dark. His fears and protestations would have real survival value. What meaning does this have for human parents? If they think of such fears as natural outcomes of development in infancy, then they will expect to provide comfort and reassurance if 5uch fears are aroused and to be patient until children grow beyond them.
Author's Bio:
By Vinod Anand
See all Articles by Vinod AnandSee Vinod Anand's Expert PageGet Updates on Child DevelopmentGet Updates on Vinod Anand Average: 0 Your rating: None Tweet Related articles:

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Everywhere you go, you find articles which tells you how to improve your life, books telling you what you have not been doing for your life to be what you want it to be, and pamphlets to meetings to discuss those books, what you do not come across often is what not to do.

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If you’re indecisive, Your creativity and confidence will soar when you learn to deal with fear. You have a hard time delegating. Then make a commitment to remove those people who aren't doing much of anything.

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Now,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], learn ways to get out of your way so you can stop making excuses for not living your life the way you really want. listen to your friends when they pay you a genuine compliment and focus on the things about your appearance that you like.
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Remember one important thing: Unless you get to Mark Victor Hansen status (millions of copies of Chicken Soup for The Soul sold) you won’t become wealthy beyond your wildest dreams with writing a book There’s a lot of variables involved Marketing timing NY Times Best Seller list—yada yada yada But can you imagine what a book can do for your business I tell you from experience that nothing can launch your reinvention quicker into expert status than writing on a particular subject It’s worked for me and I know it can work for you Author's Bio: A smart marketer? and that spouse later remarries?
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A civic group which acts to save Korean captives in North Korea (www.comebackhome.or.kr) held its first general assembly Saturday. The organization said that,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], "the government has failed to cope with the issue of captive Koreans in the North thereby causing mental and physical damages to the families of the captives." The group added that it will "seek legal action to get compensation from the government."
The organization asserted that the government has ignored this issue,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], while returning North Korean prisoners to the North last year. In addition,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], the government failed to keep its promise after president Kim Dae-jung had announced he would solve the issue in an address given on September 3,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], 2000. The Minister of Unification reversed this promise in November saying that,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], "the issue of kidnapped Koreans will be dealt in the same context as separated families."
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